The Amber Daily

When You Want To Be Great But Don’t Know How

Finding My Way Downtown..Walking Fast

Faces pass and I’m home bound Staring blankly ahead just making my way
Making a way through the crowd…~ A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton



Creative Time: 11:22pm

Date: 11/4/17

Mood: Trying to figure it all out


(Sigh)… Greatness. Everyone wants to have that feeling during some point in their lives.  Searching trying to figure out what direction to go towards is the most frustrating shit ever. This is what sucks when you don’t know how to get there. You know, what path to take. Many people say  ” Just try different things until you figure out what’s your “niche” “. In your mind, there are a couple of thoughts that stick out.

1.You feel that what if you put all that time in and it doesn’t work.

2.You feel you are getting older and don’t have time to fail over and over again until you get it right.

At my age , I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor while I am relatively still young even though I am reaching 40.  You don’t want to start enjoying yourself when you are near deaths age.

It hurts to be in a world where you feel like you are just living and not feeling alive . Many people have different ways of feeling accomplished. For me I feel like I have to accomplish something for me to feel I guess worthy of life’s fulfillment. Struggling to find my gift/ talent has been a very difficult time for most of my adult life. I have always wondered if it’s just who I am, all over the place with ideas. Could it be that life situations could  have hindered me to be able to dive deep in what ever my passion is. I also have this thought process where it may be my fault because of the choices I made in the past that are affecting me now.

They say it’s never too late to start. This may be true, but in reality life is short and to sit around pondering until something clicks can possibly never happen.  I just want to do something that I enjoy while educating myself though the process of working. Until this day happens, it’s an EVERYDAY STRUGGLE to try to find  something that I may not be able to reach.

On the flip side, I have to do and be  better for me and consider my journey to be my fulfillment even if I fail.


Until next time, let’s get Adventurous.

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